saving PRIvate MARK

hey y'all, primark . what a place . Tis amazing . Britain's own cheap wonderland, i regularly take the plunge down the rabbit hole and into that glorious world. and do i find anything i like , do i fuck. but for some reason i still buy stuff . curiouser and curiouser. primark is an ambivalent place to be in, because i might think, "what a wonderful bounty land this is, full of cheap shit, cheap jewellery . look at all the cheap jewellery. I'm in accessories heaven" but at the same time i think " GET ME OUT, shit there's a corpse under this dress, the trampled remain of a working class slapper who needed a ridiculously over sized belt." so these emotions constantly clash when in there, and i can never help feeling that every time i touch a bit of clothing ,"a small Indonesian worker child died to make this 3 pound". which puts me off a little. its a bit like a full scale war has taken place inside Narnia, wonderful yet deadly. imagine having to walk round the war zone that those shop floors are and find Mr Tumlus struggling to breath underneath a heap of sweat pants and skinnys, trust me it ain't a pleasant sight. or having to watch a bloke skin aslan , and then make a 2 quid dressing gown out of his magical fleece. the best thing is when your shopping and some ignorant fool complains about it being too expensive, that's right they say that primark ,the only shop i know of who will happily accept human excrement in place of conventional modes of payment , too expensive. these people are oxygen pilferers me thinks. Or you get folk who treat the experience like a proper military operation, they stand at the entrance ,observe their territory, then delegate.


"you , aisle 3 , sweat pants , GO"


"you, Aisle 11 , cheap suit. GO"


Synchronise benefit money.



on face book ,i saw the most ridiculous thing ever everyone, a competition it twas. it read thus "win a £3000 primark shopping spree".

three grand in primark ... i could buy the whole fucking shop for that, i could easily become the majority shareholder with that prize. I entered this competition and won, i am now the chairman of primark, and I'm not going to lie , it ain't going well. Steve's off sick so I'm buried in paperwork and we got a shipment of 400,000 trainer socks coming in first thing, so the prize wasn't exactly what i expected.
finit'e